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First Look

The ink is barely dry on my contract to become the new Manager and President of Baseball Operations, Tactics, and Merchandising for the Montgomery Biscuits, but I have to get to work. Opening Day is just three days away. 

I’ll say this for the roster: the outfield looks good. Centerfielder Jorge “Sabertooth” Villacres should be one of the best players in the league: lightning-quick bat speed, hit for average and power, premium defense in center field. Our corner outfielders, Josh Zambrano and Josh Shemanski, are certified mashers. The rest of the roster is … the regular flotsam and jetsam you might expect on a lower-tier AA club. 

Catcher is the most obvious position of need. The Biscuits’ incumbent starter, Sergio “The Wrench” Delgado, projects as maybe slightly above average behind the plate, and a slap hitter to the side of it. Backing him up is Sergio Delgado, an Alabama native and 15-year AA veteran (imagine) still holding on at the age of 37 to whatever shred of skill he can. I’ll have to see what we can squeeze out of the free agent market. The bullpen, left side of the infield, the bench, and hell, the whole back end of the rotation could use upgrades as well. 

Total payroll is sitting it $28,051,600, with over a third of that going to Villacres, our resident superstar in center. The good news: because of a new regional media deal our budget is jumping up to $42 million, giving me an extra $10 million to spend on salary after our scouting, development, and overhead costs. Even after the increase we’re tied for the 24th-highest payroll in AA, but I’m happy to have the extra cash - we’ll need it just to tread water in AA. And my goals are much higher than that.

I’ll need to get that money committed to new players before our miserly dick of an owner, Bobby Heitzman, a paper magnate from Springdale, NJ, changes his mind and pockets it. Haven’t had a chance to meet him yet, as he spends the offseason at home in the Garden State, and although I’m told he does take an active interest in the team and attends most home games, it seems his main motive is to profit from baseball’s national resurgence.


The next order of business is to size up the coaching staff and fill the currently vacant bench coach position. My assistant GM, a middle-aged linen-suit wearing Venezuelan named Romulo Chaumond, is a 19-year veteran with the team who does not seem to harbor any ambition for my position - if he had the capacity, old Heizman would have surely called his name by now. I’ll line up bench coach interviews for later in the week. But we’ll have to move fast. Opening day is nearly here.  
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